Retroactive Scores: Historical O3WL Jiggy Boom Time

I told you I'd let you know what scores were retroactively. So this is that. There hasn't been that many entries in the O3WL logbooks, but enough to have leaders and losers. Unfortunately, I only recorded scores, not what the topic of the day was, so I'm afraid all you get is numbers. I don't feel that combing through Facebook looking for the old posts for hours is a thing that will edify my spirit. So enough of your complaints! Why do you hate my spirit? Just shut your mouth hole and be happy I'm even keeping track of the scores! I am your Gamemaster. And you shall respect my decisions.

Cammi Bard has ONE win

Tony Borroso has logged ONE victory

Thera Card: ONE is the number of her winning opinions in three words or less Sarah Meekins managed to get ONE success under her belt

Sarah Meekins is on the board with ONE single win.

Joey Ordway is current clubhouse leader at THREE wins.

Virginia Norton, my wife, is nipping at the heels of the first place opinion haver with TWO smashing opinions

And there it is, champs. All those people not in the small list above are what I will consider "losers" until they get at least one opinion chosen. My advice to all losers: stop sucking. Step it up, son. Get intelligent. Ponder your three words before you post them. Or I will endorse the mocking of your three words in public. You'll feel like Stephanie Meyer in a room full of people who like well written stories. There will be more insults than you can even conceive of.

-Mr. Blue

Green Olives: The Winnering

You're going to think this is rigged. You're going to think I am an unfair gamesman. I assure you, I'm not. It just so happens that my wife won and she did so because her entry was precisely what my blog entry on this entry was about. I wrote the blog entry before posting the question, and whether you believe that or not is irrelevant because I don't care because you're a turd nose. You'll see soon enough that she is not favored in the games. She does not hold the most historical wins. I'll post a retroactive victory summary of O3WL (a shorthand that I imagine won't catch on at all) entries in a few days.

Virginia, you've attained victory. Celebrate by making me a sammich.

- Virginia's Three Words or Less on GREEN OLIVES -

"The olive theory."

Total wins: 2

Green Olives

Salutations, listeners, if you're reading this aloud.

This is an opinion. Yours is your own. I don't want it unless it's in less than three words. With that settled, let's have a talk about things.

There's something about olives that divides relationships. There's a theory that I'm sure I'm stealing from someone wittier and more observant than I am that states that if, in any given romantic relationship, both parties either like or both dislike olives (green or black; doesn't matter), then that relationship is doomed. It's never been proven wrong because I refuse to listen to stories to the contrary if they exist. A man and a woman who each love them some olives is as damned as Jerry Sandusky's soul.

Below: An Illustration of Science

Duduskus likes olives. His wife, Ferd, also likes olives. The two will enjoy green olives on their pizza. Most nights, they will partake of what the kids call a dirty martini. From time to time, Ferd will put out a small glass bowl filled with assorted olives for her and Duduskus to snack on between pepperoni, bacon, and green olive pizzas, dirty martinis, and Ritz Cracker hors d'oeuvres that Ferd thinks makes her a better wife. They don't, but women will think what they'll think, AMIRIGHT?!

One day, Ferd and Duduskus get lit up on dirty martinis and Ferd kills her husband with a garden rake after Duduskus drunkenly comments on her flapping tricep taffy.

Do you see? Do you see how poorly their relationship ended? What if hey had a little child? What if its name was Wheatgrape and he was 5 years old and he had to watch that? I don't know if Wheatgrape saw it or if he exists, but what if he did and does? What if in 20 years or so, green olives will not only be responsible for a death, but also the mental instability and sexual promiscuity of a downtrodden sex worker once named Wheatgrape and now called Devin Rammer?

And now, what would have happened if Duduskus and Ferd did not share their love of olives.

The pizzas are split half and half. Pepperoni, bacon, and green olives on half, pepperoni, bacon, and mushroom on the other. Ferd likes her olives and Duduskus does not. They are both happy with their pizza. Dirty martinis are partaken by Ferd while Duduskus enjoys a simple tumbler of Diet Sunkist. They both enjoy their evening drinks. The hors d'oeuvres are replaced by communicative sessions between the two in which they discuss Wheatgrape and his future and the budding money market fund they've opened in his name that he will one day use to fund his schooling in epidemiology.

One day, Ferd and Duduskus do not get lit up on dirty martinis, but instead watch Downton Abbey before bedtime.

See? Turns out a lot better if just one member of the relationship likes olives. Chyeah. Can't argue with science. I may not understand science.

- Sergeant Popwell