Urine and Winning. Like Peanut Butter and Celery.

Let us welcome a newcomer to the ranks of people who have made it their friggin life's mission to be the all-time high scorer and winner of all things O3WL. His name is Jessica, and I don't know why, being a girl, I have to use masculine pronouns to describe him, but those are the rules, so I'll do it. For him.

Now, while some of you may be all like "But I had the exact same opinion that he did!" (he being me, not Jessica), I'd like to remind you to shut your dumb ugly stupid mouth hole. It's not a contest of who can match my opinion. It's a purely subjective competition based solely around a single subject and that subject is me. Winning is about as random as roulette, only you have a better chance of winning if you're clever instead of only lucky. I wouldn't call this one clever. Just correct. So very, unwaveringly correct.

You see, you shouldn't poop in the urinal. I once saw a turd in a urinal and I felt like I had witnessed an amputee orphan being thrown into a river. It's just a violation of every decent thing the world has to offer. And in three simple words, I think Jessica really told us all how to be better people. He has shown us the way, I think, in a succinct way that only O3WL can really draw out of the masses.

Folks? Don't poop in the urinal. When you cut someone off on the freeway? You just pooped in that guy's urinal. When you cut in line? Poo. In the urinal. When you tell your grandma to go die already because the snickerdoodles aren't as snickerdoodly as lat time? You dropped a deuce in her urinal. When someone at work just gets your gosh dern goat and you turn around and you put a dinner fork right in the soft flesh of their upper thigh? A whole mess of #2 just stinking up that fella's urinal.

Folks. Let's all listen to Jessica and his wise, wise words. Don't poop in the urinal.

Jessica's Three Words or Less on URINAL ETIQUETTE

- "Not for pooping." -
Total wins: 1